By way of introduction.
In the first blog in this series, Dr. Alina Turner gave an overview on the Haven’s Way program model – a Foyer supportive housing program for youth in Calgary – and what the evaluation research discerned of the program’s impact on supporting youth to achieve stability and independence. See full report on the program here.
It is important to complement the research perspective with of those of people ‘living’ Haven’s Way: the staff and youth residing in this home. In this blog, Heidi Walter, current Manager of Youth Housing at Boys and Girls Clubs of Calgary and former House Parent at Haven’s Way describes what she feels is the essence of Haven’s Way to better convey why it works. In this blog, she describes a typical day in her life at Haven’s where she lived with eight youth for four years.
Haven’s is a home.
When you walk in the door, you see lives being lived. There is a crocheted blanket on the couch knitted by a youth who was determined to learn a new skill. You see burnt cookies in the garbage from a youth that tried something new, a family dog that is in the backyard and youth in their rooms hanging out with their friend’s afterschool listening to music and talking way too loud.
When I lived at Havens Way as a House Parent, I came home from work, took off my shoes, yelled hello upstairs to the girls, asked them how their day was, and changed into my comfy clothes wrapping my hair in a ponytail. Dinner would get started, and like all teenagers, as soon as the smells made their way upstairs, they would slowly come down to see what was being made. Slithering up beside me to stir the pot, I would ask how school was, or why they didn’t go, all the while they asked what spices could be used to make the dinner taste a little different tonight. They would explain why it was hard to wake up today, or what barrier stood in their way of getting out the door. They would tell me about how great they did on an exam or how a teacher gave them feedback on an assignment that made them smile. They would continue to talk, and I would listen, while folding the laundry, tidying up the living room and answering one last email that I didn’t get to during the day.
After dinner, we would sit on the couch, flick through the channels and come back around to the school conversation and how tomorrow would be different. There would be no consequence given, no voices raised, but a gentle reminder of why they needed to go to school and what I could do tomorrow to support them in getting there……Crickets……
The knock on the door.
By 11 pm, all girls are home and I am ready for bed. I lock the door, hug the girls good night, and head to my room. It never fails, there is always a knock on my door. Teenagers’ best thinking and communication skills seem to come out at 11pm. My bedroom door would open and there would my girl that now wanted to talk about why they didn’t go to school. They would sit on the end of the bed and I would listen. They would tell me all the reasons they didn’t go to school, some valid, some not. I would listen. 12:00 am is what the clock reads on my nightstand and I think we are close to saying goodnight. I haven’t done much talking and there is no formal agreement made. We hug and say goodnight for the second time.
There for the journey.
The alarm goes off to start a new day, and I can already hear the shower upstairs. YES! We are getting up to go to school. I open my door and say good morning to all the girls. Lunches are made, lunches are forgotten. The house door opens and closes a dozen times because we forgot our phone charger, bus pass, and school bag. The lunch is still forgotten, but everyone is at school.
I didn’t do anything, but I did what they needed. I was there. I held their hand, I walked alongside them, I was there for their journey. I didn’t rush them, I didn’t force them. They “broke the rules” and I didn’t have to point that out. They knew it, but I still was there for them.
Did you know that the best time to grocery shop is at 9pm on work night? It was inevitable and no matter how many times I asked when I got home from work, or on the weekend, no one ever needed to go. But at 9pm on a Wednesday, we never had anything to eat. I would have to learn the balance of meeting them where they are at on their timelines and them learning to be more thoughtful when relying on others. This was one of the many teachable moments.
You never really leave.
I planned my wedding while living at Haven’s Way, and the girls were a part of every step. If you asked them, they would say I was a Bridezilla, I disagree. Maybe it was all the dress fittings they attended with me, or table decorations they helped create and the promised last trip to the mall.
Four years went by, many graduations, school meetings, sleepless nights, pickups at 3am in my pyjamas because they couldn’t get home, and runs to 7/11 for Slurpees. I myself graduated from Haven’s Way and move to a new home.
I have been a part of Haven’s Way for 10 years now. You never really leave. You show up for everything that is important because it is important. Weddings are being planned, flowers and cards are picked up for another graduation, and the girls expect to see you at Christmas dinners.
Just last week, one of the girls popped into my office to ask me to help them register for university. One asked if I could go to the mechanics with her, as she thought she was being taken for a ride. Now in my own home, I go through my closet and when cleaning it out I package it up for my girls to go through. I know I will see them next week at their graduation. They call me ‘Momma Heidi’.
This is Haven’s Way.
It is a home, where you bring your true authentic self. You are humble and kind. You have bad days in front of the kids: they see you running late for work, with a toothbrush in your mouth, telling them to clean up. No prescription, no textbooks, just us, living our life.
Havens Way helped us build a family. Family is not who you are given, it is what you make it. These girls are roommates, sisters and best friend’s years after. They are each other’s family, and I am a part of it.
This is Havens Way – from my perspective. In the next blog post in this series, we will hear from a youth who lived at Haven’s Way and continues to be engaged in Alumnae activities as Haven’s Angel; coincidentally, her name is Ange.